I have been hoarse since at least November 2011. At the time, I figured it was cold season and I had a little bug. But then spring came early and so did the warmer weather, and I thought "well, cold season is over. Why am I still hoarse?" So I went to see my Primary Care Physician the first week of February. He said it was allergies and to start taking allergy meds daily and gave me a nasal steroid spray.
So I tried all three of the different allergy medication brands available and diligently took them for months. Never felt any different with any of the medications. Every month, Id go back to the doc to tell him my voice was not getting any better. He said my throat was irritated and was having a hard time recovering because of the irritation. Every visit he would give me some new kind of steroid (different nasal spray, oral, injections, etc) to help me get over this. Nothing helped. In fact, my hoarseness was getting worse. All along, my doc kept telling me that if this didnt work, I might need to see an allergist.
Ive also been dealing with fatigue for the last couple of years and wondered if I had a thyroid issue (which runs in my family.) And once I saw that hoarseness was a symptom of hypothyroidism, I immediately had a bunch of blood tests done. That came back negative of course (but I did find out I had crazy low B12.) At this point my doctor is telling me that I should see an ENT.
The next week we had an appointment with the kids' ENT and I asked him for a referral (I hate finding new doctors.) Finally, my appointment with the ENT came and within 1 sentence of hearing me speak, he said it was obviously not allergies. He used a rigid laryngoscope to look at my vocal cords and then all of a sudden jumped back and said that he could see what the problem was. I had a large, irregular tumor on my right vocal cord. Large and irregular. Those words have haunted me for weeks now.
The ENT said it was most likely benign since I dont have any of the risk factors: smoking, drinking alcohol, or reflux. But that it was something that they needed to investigate quickly. They got me into surgery the next week for a Laryngoscopy with a biopsy of the tumor. By this time my hoarseness had gotten so bad that I was barely able to speak.
They were actually able to test the biopsies during my surgery to make sure that they got a viable sample. But with the tumor being so large, they ended up having to take more and more samples. I was also told beforehand, that many times the doctor is able to have a better idea of what the tumor is after seeing it during surgery and that he would speak to me in the recovery room afterwards. Well, he never came to speak with me and went right into another surgery. They also refused to give us a copy of the pictures of the tumor taken during surgery. At this point, I knew something was up. I hoped it was benign, but with the words "large and irregular" haunting me, my doctor avoiding talking to me, and with it being such a rare occurrence in someone my age, I just knew it had to be cancer. But I didn't actually say it out loud to anyone. I was hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.
My surgery was on a Thursday, so we had to wait over the weekend to finally get the results on Monday. Over those five days, I kept thinking about the strangeness of this and all of the inconsistencies, and became more and more emotionally content with the idea that this was cancer. It just had to be. So when we went into the ENT's office late Monday and received the bad news, it wasn't a surprise to me. I did not shed a single tear. It's not the way I would have ever thought I would have felt in that situation. But I was content with the idea that it was cancer. I had already processed it and come to terms with it.
It has been like running a marathon ever since. One to two doctors appointments almost every day. Researching. Deciding. Planning.
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